Dear March 25th, please be gentle with me. I'm feeling very thin-skinned as the days march on towards me. Like so many things in the past two years, there is nothing I can do, but face you head-on. Just another reality that there is in fact very little I have control over in life.
I'm getting so choked up with thoughts that no one will remember her birthday. Or, that they might remember, but not say anything. Why is it so hard for people who haven't lost a child to understand that it brightens my universe to simply mention her name once in a while?
There's an elephant in the room....
.... And her name is Freja.
................
I sit in silence, listening to conversations going on around me about trivial things, and I'm unable to focus on anything but her. I sit back and zone out, staring off into space at the floor in front of me.
I am so alone.
I feel as if I am a deserted island - cold, uninhabited, and misunderstood. Even in a room full of people, it is amazing to realize how lonely I can be with all of the thoughts that are mine and mine alone.
The lonliness builds into resentment with time. The feeling of being abandoned by my own family consumes me. People sometimes say they care, but their actions (or lack there of,) speak louder than words. I am stuck in this aweful trap, this cycle which makes my mind spin with thoughts and my stomach churn...
Alone....
Monday, March 14, 2011
My thoughts are scattered, please bear with me...
Posted by lost--for--words at 3:23 PM
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5 comments:
You and Freja are on my heart. If the whole world forgets remember that I haven't. She will be remembered. Her name will be spoken. A candle will be lit in her memory. And if weather allows, a balloon will be released.
It hurts when those you want and expect to remember don't.
You are alone with your thoughts and memories but not in your grief. Freja will be remembered and her name will continue to be said. Try to be gentle with your family and friends, it's not that they don't care it's often that they don't know how to behave.
If you can tell them what you want - what you need even if that means writing it down.
Been thinking about you this week. Stay well
Kristen
Thoughts and prayers are with you. Tread lightly, be gentle with yourself but don't buttle up the sorrow. let it out, write it down, vent; that is what allows the sharpest edges of grief to lose their grip. People like me do care and sympathize. Much love.
I will be holding you and Freja in my thoughts this week. I am sorry that you do not have family support as you prepare for her special day.
Holly ~ your words resonate with me... I am so sorry you are feeling so alone. It's not fair. I wish I was closer... love to you and Freja
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