Today is really starting to look like Fall. Leaves changing colors like crazy and falling to the ground, the weather is dreary and grey unlike the above seasonal temperatures we've received this past couple of weeks. I'm starting to feel panicky about so many things. The fact that we're headed into yet another change of seasons without our baby. Experiencing all these 'firsts' without her stings so bad.
Another thing that I've been thinking about alot lately is getting a headstone for her grave. I feel a huge urge to get this done before the snow falls, but we don't even know what we want for a headstone yet. And then the time factor... I'm sure it takes a while to have it completed once we order one. I don't like the thought of not being able to decipher exactly where her grave is once there are a few feet of snow. We have lots of decorations and keepsakes that her sisters have taken to her, but I'm sure we won't be able to find them under all that snow.
I don't mean to neglect my blog... There are so many things I want to write about. So many thoughts yet to get out. Memories to share. But I've been feeling really crappy lately and have taken every opportunity of a free moment to nap. I'm so drained of energy and motivation in every aspect of my life. The laundry is piling up and we're digging into the back of our closets for clothes we haven't worn for months because they're all that is clean. I'm sure a good part of this I can attribute to the morning (all day) sickness, but I'm sure that part of it is this rut of depression that I've been battling since Freja's death. What a strange place to be.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Last day of Summer
Posted by lost--for--words at 1:03 PM
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2 comments:
Today is officially fall. We haven't had quite the change in colors yet here in Ohio but it will happen soon. When the weather is dreary it kinda makes you feel the same way. I can understand wanting to get the headstone up before the snow. Once that snow falls it sure blankets everything. Maybe they could put a rush on it for you? I don't know if they do that or not but I guess it couldn't hurt to ask. As far as picking things out, that can be a tough one!! We were able to pick out our color of granite and the shape of the stone rather quickly but deciding what we wanted on it took longer. I searched the web for poems, phrases, etc to see if there were any I liked that I would want to put on her stone. (And then the obvious name and dates). I hope you can figure out what you would want.
Don't blame you a bit for napping!! I think one sounds good right about now but I gotta work unfortunately. I know it is a strange place and I'm praying it gets better for you.
Go easy on yourself. Each of these firsts is so difficult. Last winter I got a grave blanket for Peyton, it is a large arrangement of greens and wreaths that covered her grave, that way, even under a lot of snow, I was always able to find her and dig a hole in the snow to see the picture that we have of her. I know what you mean about the snow though. The first time it snowed after she died I cried about her being up there under all that cold.
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