Why oh why must everyone count my kids? Even strangers on the street. It seems I can't go anywhere these days without at least a couple of people randomly commenting on my three children. "Two girls and a boy, how perfect!" If I hear that one more time I think I'm going to lose my mind, and my manners.
It seems to be the most common conversation starter around here. People unknowingly about to dig themselves into a deep pit of discomfort, and I awkwardly watch them squirm when I drop the bomb. I bet I've been the result of many people never asking that question anymore. The dreaded "How many children do you have," one.
I couldn't bite my tongue any longer last night after hearing one too many times how peroect my family was, with the two girls and one boy. This poor girl (well, she was only two years younger than me, but painfully far from seeing all I've seen in my 29 years on this earth,) started counting my children while we were on the beach last night. Trying to figure out which were mine amongst the crowds of people around us, she began counting.... One girl..... Two girls..... And one little boy who was hanging out in my arms! She began to go on about how cool that was, since she was from a family of three girls and one boy.
Ouch.
Our eye contact quickly broke, as I searched myself for what to say next. And then I did it.
"Well we had three girls but one of them was born two years ago and only lived a short while....." And I trailed off.
And of course I was met with a desperate appology and I looked at her and saw tears in her eyes as she tried to paddle her way out of this one.
I wish people would realize that it never goes away. If I experience an opportunity to bring my daughter into the conversation it is not a bad thing (at least to me.) I wish that everyone would realize that although I'm not talking about it constantly (for the sake of others,) I do constantly think about it. Not a second goes by when I'm both awake and even sleeping when I am not painfully aware that a huge part of me is missing. I'm amazed by how profusely people appologize and wish it hadn't been brought up 'for my sake.' My daughter might have died but it does somehow bring me a bit of joy and comfort to have her life acknowledged and to speak of her as I do my other three.
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4 years ago
3 comments:
Oh I can relate to this!!!! I hate it when people say that I have a "perfect" family with a boy and a girl. I don't care if I make people uncomfortable by saying I have another daughter in heaven. They may not want to hear it but I love to speak of her just like I do my other two.
Sending you ((HUGS))
Yes, people mutter apologetically don't they? Not realising that speaking of our children is a great gift to us and acknowledging that is a very humane thing to do.
I always tell people I have four children, if they ask. I don't always tell them that one is dead. If they say "Oh, you have your hands full", I just say "not full enough" and leave them to wonder.
Children are one of the most natural conversation starters so it's one of the first things people talk about. And that is perfectly ok until one of your children (or more) is missing from the picture they see. Then the conversation can hurt and turn to awkward in 0 to 60.
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