Wow, I didn't realize that it's been so long since I last wrote. I've been around, dropping the occasional note here and there, but not as much as I have been in the past... just coping, getting through each day as they come one by one.
I've submerged myself in keeping my hands and mind busy. I'm scared that if I sit still for too long, I just might never get back up. This time leading up to Freja's birthday has been very overwhelming, and as the days pass and I get closer, I imagine it's not going to get any easier. I've been spending almost ever spare minute I have gathering supplies I need to make the suncatchers for her birthday, or thinking about how I am going to make them. I've spent hours searching Ebay and other websites trying to find the perfect materials. It's been good having a project to focus on. I've already put alot of energy, thought, and love into making them and I don't even have the supplies in my hands yet!
I've also been knocked flat on my butt with this extreme tiredness lately. I don't know if it's a usual pregnancy thing, or my body's way of trying to avoid the huge amount of stress I've been under... or maybe a combination of both? A person can only handle so much, and when you throw in pregnancy and the task of trying to grow and sustain another human being.... it gets very draining. So when I haven't been thinking about/planning/organizing Freja's birthday stuff, I've been trying to get in as many naps as possible.
I can tell that stress is really beginning to affect me again. When I'm in the shower, I've been noticing large amounts of hair loss. Clumps coming out in my hand. I had a whole bunch of bloodwork done several months ago when I was experiencing this, including a thyroid check. Everything came back okay, so I chalked it up to stress. Good thing I have pretty thick hair, but I already lost so much in the past months and it was just beginning to grow back.
I don't think my house has ever been so organized. I've sorted through junk that has sat around for years and have been doing not too bad a job of staying ontop of all the housework that I usually fall behind on.
Gotta keep busy. Keep the mind occupied. Gotta get through this minute, and then the next, and the next.....
SGM Visits The Alpha Sigma Phi Fraternity House
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4 comments:
I think that's all you can do in a PAL, just take it minute by minute, day by day. And we are all here for you, to support you every step of the way. A suncatcher for Freja's birthday is such a special and beautiful project. I'm sure it will be perfect.
I've been taking lots of naps lately too! I'm so tired! I know mine is 1st trimester stuff so I'm just trying to get a nap in every day.
I'm in the midst of planning for Carleigh's birthday too. I'm so excited! I just booked a photographer to take pictures so I don't have to worry about it. I love that you are making suncatchers. What a great idea! I hope you share the finished product!
yes, it is extremely draining. you're getting through it though. (((hug)))
i love the idea of a suncatcher. i hope that someday i will be able to celebrate matthew's short life. but so far, gosh, i have been to the cemetery ONE time after the burial. i just can't make myself do it.
thinking of you as freja's birthday approaches.
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