Missing You

I always feel that gaping hole in everything I do in life. This year, the time leading up to Christmas has been so busy - Which in a way is good, but it also frustrates me that I haven't had the time I need to just "be" with my feelings for a while. The kids and I decorated Freja's little tree just as we do each year, and I took it out to her grave. I will also place her stocking out along with the other kid's stockings on Christmas Eve, and I have a couple little ornaments to put in hers. I have to admit that I am dreading the big family get-togethers of over-the-top happiness and joy. It's so hard for me to see everyone elses' in-tact families. And I know that nobody with their perfect, Merry, in-tact families will even mention Freja's name, or acknowledge that this can be such a difficult time of year for families like ours. I'm trying to find the grace to get through the next few days. It's hard always feeling like the "outsider" when I get together with others. Especially with family, who I feel should acknowledge our daughter and support us a bit more, even just with a few kind words. Well, we will see what the coming days bring...