Thankful?

I'm having one of "those" times. One of those times I have become all too familiar with. Another holiday and joyous occasion with family get-togethers, lots of laughter around me, great food, and a sickening amount of light-hearted conversation. This weekend is supposed to represent all that we are thankful for in our lives and I am just not able to find balance. Of course, I am thankful for all the good things in my life - There are many. But it's times like these that I am constantly having to fight to maintain the equilibrium. Tomorrow, Thanksgiving Day here in Canada, marks exactly two-and-a-half years since Freja died. Thank goodness my mom planned our dinner for tonight instead. Earlier in the week I asked (without explanation) if it would be okay if we could do it on Sunday instead of Monday. Because honestly, I just couldn't even stand the thought of having to fake it and pretend that tomorrow wasn't a significantly sad day for me.

It seems like I am always dealt a double blow with Freja's significant days. They never seem to fall at times when I can just sit back and reflect or be sad without the added challenge of the demands of others. Her days almost always seem to line up with other holidays or occasions where I have to slap on a happy face and keep my mouth shut as to how I am REALLY feeling. It's getting really tiring, and right about now I'd just love to crawl under a rock and leave no forwarding address....